hey you.

hey blog its been awhile...

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience”. - Alan Watts.

Alright, it seems to look like I have Google searched a quote that can somehow be relevant to my innermost emotions or my current mental state of well being. It is a quote that I got from this well-known book, (which I have not even finished so please forgive me, I am not an avid reader) “The Subtle Art of not giving a F***” by Mark Manson. Even though I have not finished reading this insanely popular book, I took notes. A lot of it.  Just by reading the few chapters, I cried. It is pathetic, I know. It is the kind of cry where I felt it was essential to, if that makes any sense.  I still give a fuck about everything and (what) everyone thinks about me. That is why I needed to jump start reading this book that teaches me how to give a fuck on things that are worth giving a fuck about. 

I will just leave that and proceed as to (maybe) why or what is really going on with this freakin’ blog. Just to have an update because this is my very first entry of this year and it is a load of bullshit. I never cursed that much on my blog platform, but you know what who gives a shit. 

Let’s rewind to late 2019, I earned my first pay check, which it was indeed gruelling yet rewarding at the same time. Nonetheless, I was still grateful. It took a lot of self-doubt, self-loathing, and a splash of existential crisis but I gotta say I feel like a new woman as of right now just by looking back. In the course of those months. I was on autopilot. I juggled working at a 9 hour shift whilst handling social media accounts for someone's business. Then it hit me, I lost creativity and motivation that made me feel sad at the time.  After I graduated, my original plan was to study Digital Marketing afterwards, but it took another direction and I was able to work first. I thought learning this short course would help me focus on building whatever I have started in the past. It led me to question even more yet still curious on what I can still do and improve. Sitting in a classroom, it brought me comfort knowing that “oh this could change everything” or “I can do this”. It left me even more clueless. Blogs have become dead in this new digital age. It is inevitable. There is no going back. I had to keep repeating to myself because as much as I like to believe that it has not already clicked. Why am I still here. Why am I writing this. It all boils down to the big WHY. There is still an ounce of passion in me in writing. Writing this entry, for example, I have not written or published a post in almost 9 months; and I still feel that drive. I wanted to make sure that everything I learned was not put to waste. I needed to adjust and revamp my content. This won’t be my usual style and beauty blog, but will focus more on sustainable style, local cosmetics (beauty), and lifestyle. Speaking of sustainable style or sustainable fashion, I am excited to open up my very own business, which is relates to clothing, obviously. Ever since the start of the lockdown, I have been in awe of my Ate learning how to crochet. She made this top and from there it just gave an idea. I’ve always wanted to put up a business but I was not sure how, where, when, and most of all what. All I know is that I am in fond of slow fashion and fascinated with clothes I decided to make that huge step. It will launch soon, hopefully by the end of this year. I need some time…(lol)

Quarantine really grounded me to look towards what really matters and what needs to work on. . It will have its moments. There will always be room for learning. 

I ran out of words to say. Once this is published, I hope I am making use of my social media and not just posting for the desire to become a personal pinterest mood board on my Instagram. (which btw *links here*) 
If you have reached this far, then my messages are open for feedback or maybe just roast me really; I kid. 

In all seriousness, if you have reached ’till this end I would like to say thank you for taking the time into reading this blog entry.

See you when I see you.

Cam .xx

* I forgot to include that I was wearing their Colourtint (matte) in the shadeTati.