life lately: post college blues, career, moving away

The amount of attempts I have wanted and planned to post again with something new and fresh was definitely frustrating. One thing is for sure, blogs somehow are making its way out of the digital age (from what I observed).  I mean you see a lot of articles like in Cosmopolitan, Candy Mag, Teen Vogue and the like are seen everywhere especially on everybody's newspaper: Facebook.

 I posted on Instagram story awhile ago if I were to continue writing or posting on my blog. I was glad that there is a handful of people who are willing to still give attention towards it. And for that, I thank you so much to those people with all my heart. Truly.

Here's the thing, I will get on talking about my blog and what I want to do with it in a future post but for the meantime I have to let something out of my chest for a long time. As much I want to put this in a positive light, I want to send a message out there that it is okay to feel (not) okay. I think I have mentioned this on my other post. 


(DISCLAIMER: These are based from my experiences, whoever is reading this and have a similar field may or may not have similar experiences as I do)

POST COLLEGE BLUES

Few posts back, you may have noticed how I always say I am busy or taking a hiatus all because of school. The digital age especially at this point in time can be as loud and toxic it may be. To actually be part of the industry and learning how the digital market works is an eye-opener for me.

It really is in the community that you are around with that can be a challenge each and everyday. Multimedia Arts, the course in itself is no joke to anyone. I can second that. Everything that you learned whether it is graphics, photography/videography, animation, audio, etc. it is your choice in whichever you want to pursue in. I thought maybe I can just give you a little bit of advice. Of course since I was still studying I had to be able to learn all of these things even if I did not like some media. I felt like I was useless. I was incompetent. I felt all of these things all at once and come to think of it what do I want to do for my career per se. The solution there is to not mope around. You really have to put yourself back up in order to ~survive~ this course. Even if it makes you lazy and just do not feel like doing any of these plates or projects and the like. The old saying goes, do whatever you are supposed to do even if it scares you. Even if you have graduated this course, there is no harm in learning new things everyday. Why am I saying all of this? This is not a call for someone who is interested to apply in this course to back out but this is a piece of insight on what really goes on. This is not some course that you can study in the books and have an exam on it the next day. This is a field wherein you practice and you have to continue practicing until it is part of your career. I can tell you it is okay if you do not master all of these things as long as you find something that works best for you. It really breaks my heart when I see people that I know who are not confident within themselves because people are afraid of criticism. Even for me. I had my own battles and doubts that putting myself out there would be a source of outlet for me which it still is 'til this day. You see when it comes to supporting someone it is solely for the purpose to actually supporting them, end of. It is a different route when someone supports you but pushes to your boundaries as if everything can be a joke and won't take you seriously. You can begin to wonder on what kind of situation I must be going through. All I am saying is, keep those who are genuine supporters of you even if you going through something whether it is good or bad. Having a good support system, especially in this industry is important and I cannot stress this enough. One thing is for sure, the biggest support system should always be: yourself. I tried to give myself the support I needed despite what everybody else thinks.

Who knew this 16 year old girl who started this blog with a brave soul of putting herself out there and fast forward to 5 years later fell faint of heart.

CAREER & MOVING AWAY

Who knew I would be sitting here writing on my laptop that I have officially ended my college chapter. After what I wrote from the top section, for the first time ever I was uncertain on what would the next chapter would take me. You see to make it clear, I sounded like I was in the rocks and to be quite honest I felt like giving up. I was having second thoughts. Here I was overthinking that I won't be able to graduate and next thing I know I have surpassed that. What is next for Camille? I felt pressured, which I did not need to be because at a (ripe) age of 21 you are not supposed to be worried too much. It is okay to not know what you need to do just yet at this age. We are all figuring things out. As if I will be figuring things out on my own. It is different. It feels different. I mean you are wondering what the hell I am talking about its complicated. In a way that I don't feel like I should be taking over. You see I owe it all to my parents for everything that I do. It is difficult to word this out because I never actually have a conversation with them about this. I'd like to apologise in advance if they had the chance to actually read this part. Our parents want the best for us. It gave me perspective that despite all of their mistakes, they would want to see me successful. You see 21 year olds are allowed to have mistakes. It is repeating your parent's history can be the last thing they want to foresee. I empathise with that.


We have our own paths. Life continues to move on and it is normal to see how everybody else is around you are doing. We should always remember that to be grateful in whatever stage in our lives right now. It made me think that moving away can be a good option for me perhaps widen my horizons. 

(My insights about moving away, I have not written much on that subject because I am unsure what will happen. So who knows.)

I want to say thank you for continuing to support me in any way possible and this won't be the last of my entries. I will continue to write my life stories here.

All the love and always,

Cam .xx